Phone Calls

I really love my job. Sometimes I answer the switchboarch calls when the receptionist is busy.

Phone calls I've received at work:

Call #1 - An elderly woman
Me: Good Morning, how may I direct your call?
Person: I was wondering if you help people with food.
Me: We don't have a food pantry here but we can refer you to the ROC.
Person: I don't eat rocks.
Me: The ROC is an organization that can help with food and clothes.
Person: I don't need clothes.
Me: Well let me give you their phone number. They can give you some food.
Person: I AM NOT IN A BAD MOOD.
Me: MA'AM THE ROC CAN GIVE YOU FOOD.

Call #2 - A man
Me: Student Ministries, this is Jaci.
Person: I'm trying to talk to a pastor. Are you a pastor?
Me: No I'm not a pastor. Our pastors are in a meeting right now. Can I help you though?
Person: I need someone to help me.
Me: Ok well how can I help.
Person: I'm not a Christian and I know I'm going to hell and I'm ok with that. I just need some quarters for the vending machine. I'm in the hospital and they won't let me out. They think I'm crazy. I just need a Dr. Pepper. Can you bring me some quarters?
Me: Well, let me pass this message on to one of our pastors and we'll see what we can do.
Person: You are an angel. Let me read you a poem. (The man proceeds to read me a 5 minute long poem he wrote about an angel named Jaci. I'm pretty sure he was making it up as he spoke.)
Me: Thank you. That was really nice.
Person #2: Who is this?
Me: This is Jaci from Bethany First Church. Who is this?
Person #2: I am his doctor. You are not allowed to call patients.
Me: I didn't call him, he called me.
Person #2: He is not allowed to call people.
Me: Um ok.
Person #2: Please don't call here again.
Me: Um ok.
Person #2: Goodbye.
Me: Bye?

Call #3 - A woman
Me: Good Afternoon, how may I direct your call?
Person: Can you help me find a Bible verse?
Me: Maybe, which one are you trying to find?
Person: It's about God.
Me: Ok. I'm going to need a little more detail.
Person: It's about God and his love.
Me: Ok. (I proceed to give her 4 verses about God and his love.)
Person: No it's not those. You work at a church shouldn't you know Bible verses.
Me: I guess I don't know them all.
Person: Let me talk to a pastor, hopefully they know the Bible better than you.

Call #4 - A woman
Me: Good afternoon, how may I direct your call?
Person: DO YOU KNOW THAT JESUS CHRIST, SON OF GOD, LOVES YOU AND DIED ON A CROSS FOR YOU?
Me: Um, yes I do.
Person: HAVE YOU GIVEN YOUR LIFE AND SOUL AND SPIRIT AND BODY TO HIM?
Me: Um, yes.
Person: HAVE YOU BEEN BAPTIZED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT, LORD GOD, ALMIGHTY SAVIOR?
Me: I think so. (I'm started to get confused...)
Person: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU THINK SO? YOU SHOULD KNOW!
Me: OH YES, YES I HAVE!
Person: GOOD! I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET YOU IN HEAVEN.

Call #5 - An elderly woman
Me: Student Ministries, this is Jaci
Person: Do you help with food?
Me: We can refer you to the ROC, they have a food pantry.
Person: Oh not for me, for my cat.
Me: Um, I don't know if they have cat food.
Person: I have 4 cats, they all need food.
Me: We don't have any cat food here. I'm not sure what else I can do.
Person: Do you need a cat?
Me: No I don't. I have a dog and she doesn' t like cats.
Person: If you need one I'll give you one.
Me: Oh ok thanks. I'll let you know.